It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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