You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
