My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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