She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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