I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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