guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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