i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
