i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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