What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
