; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
