If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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