a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
