How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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