I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
