I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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