Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
