Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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