Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
