Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
