a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
