why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Randomize
