u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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