I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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