is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
