AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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