Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
