Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
