Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
