I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
