omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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