I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
