i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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