Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
