i wish my penis had a tongue
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A+ Viking dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
