On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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