i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
