haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
