This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
