You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
