we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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