Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
