omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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