We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
