apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
