just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
