she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
