remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
