you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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