I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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