I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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