I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?