so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
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I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad