eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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