Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.