her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me