I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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