And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.