The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight