I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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