Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
