The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
