Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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