If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My ATM looks so different sober.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
