I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
