Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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