You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
