My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
