Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
