the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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