neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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