Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to cum in my sink.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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