One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
