I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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